Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
