you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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