@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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