windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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