i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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