dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
