Define "chronic" masturbator.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My dick has a subreddit
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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