he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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