I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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