Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
