Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
