even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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