Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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