First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
