we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Someone came in the potted fern
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize