She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize