On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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