your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
