I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
