party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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