Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
