Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
