I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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