just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
