Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
