i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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