I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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