I look better un-naked...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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