Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
