I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
