Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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