we have pet lesbian snakes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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