ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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