Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
