May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
