my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize