apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
