I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
