OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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