Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
a search helicopter?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
