Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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