There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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