yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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