Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
