Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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