I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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