Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
