I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
