Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
