Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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