this just has baby written all over it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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