I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
