Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
