he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
