glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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