On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
