I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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