i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
