So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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