So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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