i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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