I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish I only lived at night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
