I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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