I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
