searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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