my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
