Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
