I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
