where am i from again
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
